Merge lp:~tim-clicks/ubuntu-docs/minor2 into lp:ubuntu-docs/lucid

[Tim McNamara]

Commit log:
  Edited introductory paragraphs

  Actions & justifications:

  "New to Ubuntu?"
    Removed redundancy in "New to Ubuntu"?
      Appeared twice: once in header, then in first sentence
    Expanded the first sentance into listitems
      Attempted to use more of the page, so the contents didn't
      have such a visually dominating effect.
    Changed lead text to the About Ubuntu page
      Removed the perception of redundancy by saying that the
      ghelp:about-ubuntu pages have more detail.

  "Welcome to Ubuntu"
    Spread content out to two sentences
      There were two messages. One was about Ubuntu, the other
      was about getting new software. This commit provides a
      visual seperation, so that the messages are clearer.

Validation:
$ bash ./scripts/validate.sh ./newtoubuntu/C/newtoubuntu.xml
 --Validating ./newtoubuntu/C/newtoubuntu.xml ..

[Connor Imes (ckimes)]

Tim, thanks for your proposed merge. I just have a couple of suggestions to be completed before merging
 -Please begin new listitems with a capital letter - they shouldn't run together like a sentence.
 -Please ensure that you are using American English (e.g. "Software Center" instead of "Software Centre").
 -As a rule of thumb, you should avoid using contractions where possible (e.g. "do not" instead of "don't"). This is not always necessary, but usually reads more professionally.
If you make these changes ASAP, I can merge them before String Freeze.
Cheers.

review: Needs Fixing

[Tim McNamara (tim-clicks)]

Hi Conner - Apologies for taking a little longer to get back to you than I should have. I'll get onto this today.

Unmerged revisions

484. By Tim McNamara on 2010-03-29

Cleanup

Fixed UK English strings, moved <listitems> to independent sentences, removed contractions.

See https://code.launchpad.net/~tim-clicks/ubuntu-docs/minor2/+merge/21767/comments/55945

483. By Tim McNamara on 2010-03-20

Edited introductory paragraphs

Actions & justifications:

"New to Ubuntu?"
  Removed redundancy in "New to Ubuntu"?
    Appeared twice: once in header, then in first sentence
  Expanded the first sentance into listitems
    Attempted to use more of the page, so the contents didn't
    have such a visually dominating effect.

"Welcome to Ubuntu"
  Spread content out to two sentences
    There were two messages. One was about Ubuntu, the other
    was about getting new software. This commit provides a
    visual seperation, so that the messages are clearer.

482. By Tim McNamara on 2010-03-20

Largely cosmetic changes

Added the occasional comma. Discarded semi-colons in favour of new
sentences. Attempted to shorten sentences where beneficial.

Non-trivial changes:
  location - action - justification
  l 78 - deleted some text - Sounded a little too much like an advert.
  l 79 - removed 'update' - Not accurate
  l 87 - content changes - Provided some more specifics, used 'non-free'
                           over 'proprietary' because it's more accurate

=== modified file 'newtoubuntu/C/newtoubuntu.xml'
--- newtoubuntu/C/newtoubuntu.xml	2010-03-29 02:15:32 +0000
+++ newtoubuntu/C/newtoubuntu.xml	2010-03-29 02:15:32 +0000
@@ -19,9 +19,9 @@
 	<para>This section helps you to familiarize yourself with your new operating system.</para>
 	<para>We focus on a few areas:</para>
 		<itemizedlist>	
-			<listitem><para>learning about the desktop,</para></listitem>
-			<listitem><para>performing some common tasks, and</para></listitem>
-			<listitem><para>pointing you towards getting further help if you need it.</para></listitem>
+			<listitem><para>Learning about the desktop</para></listitem>
+			<listitem><para>Performing some common tasks</para></listitem>
+			<listitem><para>Where to get further help</para></listitem>
 		</itemizedlist>
 	<section id="welcome" status="review">
 		<title>Welcome to Ubuntu</title>
@@ -35,7 +35,7 @@
 			<listitem><para>Ubuntu is entirely committed to the principles of open source software development. We encourage people to use open source software, improve it and pass it on.</para></listitem>
 			</itemizedlist>
 		</para>
-        <para>Ubuntu contains all the applications you'll ever need. Unlike other operating systems you may have used, you don't need to hunt websites to find them. The Ubuntu Software Centre includes thousands of applications. They are downloadable as soon as you connect to the Internet.</para>
+        <para>Ubuntu contains all the applications you'll ever need. Unlike other operating systems you may have used, you don't need to hunt websites to find them. The Ubuntu Software Center includes thousands of applications. They are downloadable as soon as you connect to the Internet.</para>
 		<note><para>For more information about Ubuntu, see <ulink url="ghelp:about-ubuntu">About Ubuntu</ulink>.</para></note>
 	</section>
 	<section id="desktop" status="review">
@@ -108,8 +108,8 @@
 		<title>Getting more info/help</title>
 		<para><inlinemediaobject><imageobject><imagedata fileref="/usr/share/icons/Humanity/apps/48/gnome-help.svg" format="SVG"/></imageobject></inlinemediaobject></para>
 		<para>Ubuntu comes with an extensive help system. Click &yelp; to access it.</para>
-		<para>If you don't find the answer there, you may find the <ulink url="&wiki-UserDocumentation;">community contributed documentation website</ulink> helpful.</para>
-		<para>If you can't find the answers in the documentation, there is an extensive community of volunteers who provide free support. See the <ulink url="&ubuntu-freesupport;">Ubuntu website</ulink> for the different options.</para>
+		<para>If you do not find the answer there, you may find the <ulink url="&wiki-UserDocumentation;">community contributed documentation website</ulink> helpful.</para>
+		<para>If you are still having difficulty, there is an extensive community of volunteers who provide free support. See the <ulink url="&ubuntu-freesupport;">Ubuntu website</ulink> for the different options.</para>
 		<para>If you want professional support, Canonical provides <ulink url="&ubuntu-paidsupport;">commercial technical support</ulink>.</para>
 	</section>
 </article>